Selena Gomez sunbathing in Orlando over the weekend and, okay, fine, looking not pregnant. And while I’m being completely honest, its time all of us stop lying to ourselves about Justin Bieber hitting this and start focusing on harvesting His power. I’m talking literally consuming His body thus becoming one with His magic because, trust me, transubstantiation ain’t cutting it. Which is surprising for a Roman Catholic concept that I’m using to take something from a young boy, but I digress. The important thing is I’ve been covering Communion wafers in maple syrup all morning, and I haven’t touched a single Italian-Mexican hybrid boob yet. Unless they feel like diabetes, in which case, they be all up in my face, making my feet not feel no more.
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